Moving Forward

Mom's last day of agony was Monday, October 5th.

This has been one of the many transitions in my life during the past 5 months. Another has been the the freedom to visit other churchs in the Des Moines area.

During a time of worship yesterday, I was struck with the question: Am I completely/fully satisfied with the love of God, and trust He is enough for all I need? If the answer is "yes" how is this demonstrated/lived out in my daily life?

Mom Report Day 128

Yesterday mom was scheduled to begin her fifth and final week of radiation treatments and chemotherapy pills. It wasn't until late last week that the treatments caught up with her.

As this is a report about her, it is also a report of observations I've just noted about my dad, too.

Yesterday mom was too weak to do anything and the radiation oncologist had her admitted to the hospital primarily to be rehydrated. The cumulative effects of the treatments have completely depleted her of energy, strength, appetite, and hydration. It was all my dad could do to get her to even sit up momentarily.

As I sit here in the hospital room, mom dozing in and out of sleep, and dad doing likewise, the type-A in me thinks he is wasting his time watching her sleep. But I realized for him, he could be nowhere else.

As that thought ran through my mind my mom woke up from a little nap, trying to recount the subject of her afternoon dream. The sight is typical now: mom too physically weak to talk loudly, feebly begins to utter a few words; dad growing ever-deafer springs out of his chair to hear her and stands at her bedside, bent over with his ear only an inch away from her mouth.

This scene brought back just a few similar scenes from today: dad's arrival at 7am bending over her bedside with the most gentile kiss on the cheek; laboring several times to get mom up and out of the bed to go to the restroom--he does not leave her side; sitting on the bed feeding her tiny spoonfuls of lunch--eager to build her strength; all the while fighting off the frustration that he can't will her to get stronger...

Bible expositors say that the word "love" in the Bible is a verb--something to be lived out in a practical fashion. I see what they mean.

Light out of Darkness

Ed Thomas, head football coach at Aplington-Parkersburg High School in Parkersburg, Iowa was killed by a former student on June 24th.

The coach was admired nationally for the juggernaut football program he built, the successful men he shaped and the resilient town he helped rebuild after a devastating tornado last summer. News of his death has flashed around the country.

He won 292 games and two state titles in 37 seasons, and ranked 32nd among active high school football coaches nationwide in victories.

Thomas coached four players who are active in the National Football League this season. Since the school has fewer than 300 students, per capita, no other high school in the nation has ever had as many NFL players among its alumni.

At an afternoon news conference, Thomas’ son, Aaron, thanked community members for their support and prayers.

Mid-way through his 3 minute statement…Aaron said: “God always has a reason. At this

time, it’s very tough for us to understand that.”

As I heard those words my heart went out to him. I thought, “We should do something for him and the family.”

Upon reflection, I recognized that his slain father had already done that.

Aaron was speaking from a foundation of faith that his father had helped him establish. It was as if Aaron was quoting Job’s unflinching trust in God during the devastation in Job’s life.

Job grasped tightly to his belief in the character of God saying, “Even if He kills me, my trust is in Him.”

Even though he can’t understand the reason for this tragedy, Aaron is leaning on God.

So back to the “we should do something” thought. Am I close enough to God to withstand such a tragedy? Are you? And what are you doing this week to deepen that reliance on God?

And second, for parents—is it a part of your plan to raise your children to develop such a foundation? If so, you know that it is a process that has to happen daily.

Are you helping your children to understand God’s power in creation? His goodness even in the midst of trials? How God is still there when your friends aren’t? Why “no” is often the most giving response to a request for some thing? How you’ve trusted God when the chips are down?

Now is the time to do this…before you need to…before the darkness comes…show them the Light.

Mom Report Day 38

A little more than a month has gone by since my mom's 6 and 1/2 hour surgery. When I talked t her on Tuesday, I was informed she had made a major breakthrough--she had eaten a White Castle hamburger!

This is momentous because White Castle "belly bombers" are her favorite. And I took an empty box to her ICU room and posted it on the bulletin board as an incentive for her. So, early this week she reached that goal, which I'm sure is a true test of her digestive system.

Mom Report Day 34

My mom is doing pretty well at home. She is a little more comfortable there and no one is waking her up every two hours to stick her with something. She left the hospital with a feeding tube and a gastric drainage tube that were supposed to be removed Tuesday. Unfortunately the doctor said “they weren’t ready to come out yet.” I know my mom was really ready for them to come out, but apparently there has to be some more internal healing before they “will” come out.

She is eating really well which is a good thing; she is becoming increasingly active which is also a good thing. My sister said she was out for a walk for a little while…a really little while, but is making good progress.

When I talked to her earlier this week, she said the cancer surgeon told her the surgery did not get all of the cancer and she would need chemo. I don’t know how she sounded, but I’m sure very worried. I’m going back during the first week of July—my dad’s 80^th birthday, and to spend some time with her.

Mom Report Day 28

Less News is Better
Mom is enjoying the comforts of home now. In talking with her last night it is apparent that she continues to get more energy and is becoming herself more and more. She said she is not in any pain; is still weak; and is still "carrying this walker around."

She will go tomorrow to have the abdominal feeding tube and gastric drainage tubes removed.

Letting Go

Speaking with a ministry friend about the struggle of breaking free of addictions. As we talked it struck me that letting go is always scary. Letting go of jobs, people we love; control...Faith is about letting go.

Sports Meets Faith

ESPN's Sports Center this past Monday carried a story about an Orlando Magic fan sending Dwight Howard a box of mustard seeds. The reported explained that the she idea came from the Bible where Jesus had told the parable of the mustard seed--saying if someone has the faith of a tiny mustard seed, they can tell mountains to move and they will.

While the fan hoped to inspire and encourage Howard to have faith that his team still has a chance to comeback and win the championship, it is amazing tat millions of people were exposed to the Bible on national television that morning! Did ya happen to see it yourself? And it helps show the truth that the Bible is relevant to your life.

Mom Report Day 24

Two to One Aren't Bad Odds

After 23 days in the hospital, my mom went home yesterday. The interim step to a rehab / care facility was bypassed and she is home!

I talked with her last evening. I could tell she was glad to be out of the hospital and in the familiar surroundings of home.

I think she goes back to the surgeon on Tuesday to have the last two tubes removed, that have remained as a precaution. She is continuing to eat more and more often.

When we talked yesterday, she made some comments about wanting to talk with me about religion and some areas of service in which she can participate--based on her experiences battling cancer. That's cool. And I think I"m gonna try to find an Alpha Course in StL for her.

Mom Report Day 22

More Progress

Report from my sister yesterday is that the fever is gone...and will take a day or two for labs to come back to determine the initial cause.

Mom was up and around a lot Saturday and Sunday; not real excited to have a bunch of visitors, though. I think she is getting restless and wants/needs to go home, but is still a little scared of making the transition from the hospital to home.

She is eating a little more each day--half a tuna sandwich yesterday along with some other stuff, and she is only getting tube feeding duing the night to supplement her nutrition needs.

I think the current odds are: going home Wednesday 2 to 1, and even money for Thursday.

Mom Report Day 20

One step back...

Thursday night was not a good one for mom. At 1am she was up puking, had not felt well most of the day...coughing...skipped breathing treatments...and then spiked a fever of 103.

Yesterday she was feeling better but temp was still at 100. Blood cultures were taken, as it is near certain she has an infection somewhere.

All of this happened on the verge of the hospital releasing her today to spend a few days at a rehab facility.

Her spirits are holding up but her old body is not keeping pace in the recovery.

Mom Report Day 19

My sister Jenise told me mom was up and walking (with the physical therapist) twice yesterday; was out of bed and sitting in the recliner when I called; and is being given soft foods 6 times per day as the amount she is receiving from the feeding tube has been decreased by 60%.

Also one of the drains from her abdomen has been removed. All good sings as mom continues to make slow progress.

My mom and dad desire the next step to be a short stint at a rehab facility. With all the tubes and limited mobility a few days to transition would be good. Apparently the insurance company denied the request but my dad is pursuing other options.

This would be great for my mom and dad, and also for my sister. She has pulled about 2/3 of the night shifts at the hospital with mom, and it is wearing her out. I encouraged her to help speed the transition by telling mom she can't do it any more and so it is take the next step or be their alone at night. Jenise, however, just can't do that. She said, this is the only thing mom asked; how can I say no?

Out of the trials of life a simple command like honor your father and mother is lived out.

Mom Report--Day 18

No report from yesterday. Trusting (and praying) that healing continues and strength returns rapidly.

Mom Report Day 17

It has now been 17 days since mom's surgery. I spoke with my sister Jenise last night. I don't know which is harder--being there with her as she struggles to recover or being 370 miles away...

Th good news is that mom continues to get better. Yesterday she began to eat "soft food"--mashed potatoes, and had a bunch of visitors, which she had previously avoided. I know it is tough just being in the hospital doing not much of anything and not getting any real rest.

Mom is continuing to do some physical therapy, walk, and spend time out of the hospital bed.

I'm praying that she continues to heal; gets to go home soon (Saturday?); and that God is preparing her, and my dad, for the difficult next steps in the treatment process.

Mom Battles Cancer

Below is the text of an email I sent to some of my closest friends to let them know my mom was facing serious health challenges:

May 18, 2009

I wanted to let you know that following the 6 hour surgery late Monday to remove a portion of her stomach, small intestine and pancreas, my mom has been in intensive care recovering. She has had a real challenge with her lungs coming back to full strength.

While her recovery has seemed to progress, the lab reports that came in last night on the biopsies taken during the surgery are troubling. Apparently 3 out of the 5 lymph nodes biopsied showed that cancer had infiltrated those nodes. Also, the pancreas showed that cancer was also present there. The surgeon was surprised that the labs show the cancer is much more invasive than earlier testing showed.

If my mom’s lungs and heart can recover sufficiently from Monday’s surgery the next step in treatment will be some form of chemotherapy. I’m praying that she would recover to the point of being able to take on this additional treatment…or if that is not the case, that God would provide His gracious comfort to her.

May 23, 2009

At hospital; when I arrived at about 3pm, my aunt, cousin & her husband from Collinsville, IL, my brother, sister, and dad were here.

While doing physical therapy earlier today, mom’s heart rate spiked and she had to stop the physical activity and received some medication to control her heart rate. The medication was effective, but not doing the physical activity set her recovery back a day. The plan was to sit up today and walk tomorrow…but the schedule is now pushed back.

Mom is talking some and is alert, though she is laboring in both breathing and talking.

Another positive sing is that she has had bowel movements, which indicates her digestive system is working.

Had dinner with dad and Jeff. Dad expressed concern about mom’s lungs and can’t believe that the two doctors she has been seeing for the past several years cold test her lungs and say they were “clear.” He also expressed concern regarding the biopsies, saying one “is going to come back bad.”

Jenise expressed concern that the status of mom’s heart and lungs make the possibility of congestive heart failure the most imminent risk.

May 25, 2009

At hospital for overnight shift. On the morning of the 24^th the house doctor said mom “was making acceptable progress.”

She was put in a chair to sit up yesterday and did that twice today.

Tomorrow they will do some type of dye test to make sure that everything internally is sealed well.

She is likely to be moved to a “step-down” room—one that is not “intensive care,” but still on this floor.

Her heart rhythm is much better now after the medications they’ve given her; and her breathing is better, but still a little labored.

She is sleeping now (it is 6:30pm), but is not extremely comfortable.

Over the past two days she has improved, but is still weak, afraid, and a little surprised at how difficult this recovery is.

On the way here this afternoon, I thought about how difficult it is to rest here. It seems that every hour they are sticking her finger to check her blood glucose levels. They were at 84 on the last check and I believe they will take her off of the intravenous insulin. But I was thinking a great way to really understand a little of what it’s like would be to have them stick me in the finger with a needle every time they stick her.

I wish the recovery would go fast. I wish her heart and lungs were stronger. I pray that God gives her a strong desire and will that will help her to do the difficult things she needs to do to recover from the surgery and face the choices of future treatment.

I know she is scared. When talking about moving her to a lower-level-of-care room, she said she wanted to make sure someone was with her all the time…and suggested that we should hire a nurse to be with her. She also asked if Pastor Pelsue could come and give her communion.

I redirected her thoughts from that, but this is hard. Not the sitting by her frequently ringing monitors; not manning the overnight shift; but the conversations with Jenise about he future; the thoughts of how this will affect dad; how recognizing death is everyone’s destination doesn’t make it easier when the conversation involves your mom.

May 26, 2009 10pm

After a shot of Adavan to help her sleep, mom again expressed concern about being moved to a room where she would receive less nursing attention. She also asked for Pastor Pelsue to come and give her communion and later asked for him to come and read her some scripture. She asked if I thought when someone dies and they are put in the coffin does their soul go to heaven. I told her that is what the Bible says. She said she say the angels and then described them as being bright white with flowing white hair and robes. She then asked if you are bad do you go to hell. I told her that we are all bad and that is why God sent Jesus to earth—to take the punishment for all of us because none of us can live up to the standard God set. And to go to heaven we have to believe that Jesus died for us and rose from the grave.

She is dozing off now but I think her fear is keeping her from letting go to rest comfortably.

May 27, 2009 12.13am

Mom is sleeping well after a full day. She was up, bathed and sitting in a chair from 5 – 8am Tuesday morning. She also got up on her own with the aid of a walker and took two small steps. She was also given a dye scan to determine if all of the areas of surgery were closed tightly. A preliminary report shows everything to be leak-free. Unfortunately during the scan, they removed a gastric drainage tube and she began to eliminate fluid orally. The tube was reattached and she is feeling good.

Her heart and lungs are much better—continuing to improve. Mentally she is more alert and much more verbal. She is generally gaining strength and now needs to get her body in motion so she can continue to get stronger.

Jenise believes they will move mom to a “step-down” room tomorrow. This is a room still on this floor, but a “step-down” from intensive care. Mom is a little fearful of that, but is gaining more confidence.

She has gotten a few hours of sleep and is now getting all of her tubes and vital signs checked…and hopefully will be able to go back to sleep.

Blood sugar was 142 and mom is being given 3 units of insulin. This is after it was 54 late yesterday…and they gave her some dextrose to bring it up.

May 27, 2009 10.30pm

This afternoon mom was moved to a regular room and the heart and oxygen monitors were removed. She still has the gastric tube and urinary catheter. She is doing much better. She walked a fair distance before they moved her to this new room.

Jenise said that the oncologist talked with dad today. This probably means that dad was given the results of the biopsies and knows that the surgery did not get all of the cancer.

This surgery has been really difficult for mom and I know that she will not immediately embrace the idea of additional treatment.

May 28, 2009

Mom again slept well last night considering the interruptions of breathing treatments and the checking of vital signs.

My hope is to find that when I get there in a few hours that she has been up walking and also sitting in her chair.

May 29, 2009

Didn't get much of a chance to record much last night. Sleep wasn't as easy last night...mostly due to interruptions from nurses. Mom was also a little restless...she is ready to get out of the hospital bed and out of the hospital. I encouraged her to continue to walk as much as she can. getting ready to head up there soon and relieve dad.

A Legacy of Care

My friend and our Pastor of Congregational Care died recently. Here is what I put on my computer screen for our church newspaper:

How much compassion can God pour into one person? You can easily answer that question if Bill Green ever spent any time next to your hospital bed.

Seemingly tireless, absent of a watch to take note of the pre-dawn hour, eagerly surpassing the boundaries of Des Moines, always ready with a word from his well-worn Bible and a firm but comforting grasp of your hand, Bill was ideally designed by God to provide care and compassion to God’s children.

In the letter written to the believers in Rome, Paul passionately exhorted each of them to live lives of sacrifice which would ultimately bring glory to God. Later in that twelfth chapter, Paul said that could best be done by doing service in the way God has gifted us. Certainly Bill Green had a number of the gifts listed in that chapter, but one does stand out from verse 8, which has been paraphrased: “Let the man who feels sympathy for his fellows in distress help them cheerfully.” Those words do characterize Bill and the wonderful ministry to which God called him.

Of course Bill didn’t do all of this alone. His wife Clarice was never far from his side. In fact, she has been with Bill since he took her to the circus at the tender age of 12. Bill finally married Clarice in 1951, the same year he graduated from Drake University. Passionate about his country, Bill also spent 2 years, 3 months and 27 days in military service (according to Clarice who tracked their days apart).

As we recall the tremendous comfort Bill provided to so many of us, our hearts go out in sympathy to Clarice and their son, Ed, daughter-in-law, Kem, and grandchildren J.D. and Emily. Our prayer is that in time God’s enduring love will be of comfort to each of them.

Another ministry Bill carried out here at First Federated Church was that of conducting the funerals and the home-going ceremonies and celebrations for so many saints who have gone before him. As we pay tribute to God for the work He has done through Bill, we may come to recognize that Bill is finished leading us in saying those “good byes.”

However the tremendous ministry God gave Bill can be used to inspire each of us to more fully practice God’s instruction to “comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted.” As Bill looks down on us carrying out this command, I’m sure it would bring that familiar smile to his face.